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College Admissions Diversity Essay Sample and Critique
Don’t spell out all the details about an illness you suffer from in college essays unless you do it in a really powerful, unique way. And don’t write about grandpa’s illness either. This might be hard to hear, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
Instructions:I am seventeen years old and would be the first of 3 brothers including parents to attend a four year college pursuing a degree in criminal justice. Played basketball in as a ninth grader played football in 10th and 11th grade. Community service - special olympics, batter shelter for women clean up, cleanup city etc. Donating to the salvation army and the Cheyenne river Sioux reservation.
I am a leader.
My father is a retired captain for department of corrections for the state of XX. and now head of security for XX Middle school. My family history has kept me interested in criminal justice.
This essay is for admission to XX University. I am in the process of applying but I am stuck on the essay part. I am a senior at high school. The question is why do i want to attend the university.
The major I wish to pursue is Criminal Justice.
I forgot to mention I have had a part time job since last November and managed to get good grades as a full time senior. Holding a job at the age of sixteen and now I am seventeen shows I am a responsible young man.
Sample college application essay for criminal justice college
So what makes for a bad college essay? Telling cliche stories like that time you came back from injury to help your high school soccer team win the league title. Or that time you worked really hard to earn first chair violin. Or that service trip to Nicaragua where you installed whiteboards in classrooms across the country. Sure, that’s nice. But would it surprise you to know that an admissions officer at a highly selective college might think (1) you did this because you thought it would help you gain admission to highly selective colleges, (2) you lack creativity, and (3) mommy and daddy have money to send you to Nicaragua and lucky you got to go. Keep in mind, admissions officers don’t make a whole lot of money. Many of them would love to go to Nicaragua!
What makes a bad college essay, you ask? Well, there are lots of things that can contribute to a bad college essay. And if you’re not already aware from reading our college admissions blog, the vast majority of college essays that are submitted to the highly selective colleges are atrocious. Atrocious is no exaggeration either. We often roll our eyes to ourselves when a student comes to us and says something along these lines, “I have finished putting together my 650-word Personal Statement. I just need someone to look it over. Can you do that?” Well of course we can do that but we promise you that just because you’ve managed to string together 650 words on a piece of paper (congratulations?), those 650 words strung together are most likely awful. And we say this with about 99% confidence because it is the rare — extremely rare rather — exception when a student writes a good college essay on his or her own.
what makes a good college application essay ..
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